Remember your younger days? Perhaps they are still with you. You and your mates head out on the town, too much beer, move into spirits. Pick up a kebab someone along the way. End up in a dodgy pub with a live band which sounds great at 3am, although perhaps a little less like the next Stones the next morning. And speaking of the next morning, your head is thumping. Promises never to do this again are made, with never the slightest intention of being kept. Your mouth feels like an airport runway or possibly that sticky carpet, drenched in decades of split beer, where you were dancing like no one was watching.

What could be less appealing? And what on earth would possess anyone to make a drink that reminded one of that sticky carpet?

And yet, that is exactly what the team at Four Pillars have done. The Four Pillars Sticky Carpet Gin. Not only that, it sold out in no time. I suspect I have proved many times that I do not understand this planet, or the people who inhabit it, and this is yet another instance which can be chalked up to the mystery of the human race. 

But first, as is usual, the cigar. Another of Rob’s seconds, an SLR Corona. It has been really fascinating to smoke through a range of ‘seconds’. If anyone asked me if it was worth picking up a mixed bag of these, my answer would be absolutely (assuming there was some discount on regular prices). Some have smoked as well as the finest examples of what they are; others less so. Some have been decent, acceptable smokes; a few fell way short. And there seems to be no way of picking which way they will go. For me, overall, this has been really interesting. Don’t expect all to be stellar but be prepared for some delightful surprises.

And this was a very pleasant surprise. I've not smoked many of these but I am very familiar with the SLR DC. I guess I was hoping that this would be a junior version. Whether it was power of suggestion or perhaps it was true, but it seemed to me that there was a definite link. A hint of the stickiness which the DC usually offers (and which seemed designed by a divinity for matching with the gin). Some soft stonefruit notes, again a characteristic of the DC. But I found this far more creamy than the DC. I really liked that creaminess, and it intensified as one moved to the conclusion. A mild, mature, soft, cedary cigar, not overly complex. Just really pleasant. I had it at 90 but as the cream kicked in, it moved up to 92+ for me.

The size, 142 by 42, is a fine size for a cigar.

Not having seen a lot of these, I had a look (after I smoked it, to avoid any preconceptions) at a number of reviews. Not that many mentioned the cream, though it did appear in places. I would be very interested to hear from members as to the thoughts on this smoke.

As usual, two drinks. And the first had a name as repellent as the Sticky Carpet Gin – ‘Parliament’. Seriously? You want to remind people of the government? Honestly, it is like a restaurant calling a dish ‘rotten wagyu’ or ‘smelly seafood’.

And that was the only unpleasant thing about this stunning malt – the GlenDronach ‘Parliament’ 21-Year-Old Malt. Locally, between $250 and $300 a bottle.

This was an absolutely cracking malt, and a standout as a cigar matching spirit. Very dark, this was rich with teak notes, nuts, honey, almonds, malty flavours and toffee. It was almost rum-like, though marginally less sweet than the best of those. A really good spirit.

It spent at least 21 years in Oloroso and PX casks and was bottled at 48%, but the balance ensures this is no problem. And in fairness, it is not named after any government connection, but the colony of rooks which have nested next to the distillery for nearly two centuries.

And so we come to the Sticky Carpet, words everyone should live by. The guys at Four Pillars actually attribute it to the famous Hotel Esplanade at St Kilda in Melbourne (and although sold out, it is still available there). To make it, they added roasted dark stout to the base and then used botanicals which gave a ‘pub feel’ – honey, roasted barley, cascade hops – and brightened it all up with some lemon and ginger. And, of course, orris root, because what gin is not complete without orris root (and who even knows what orris root is)?

I just looked it up. Apparently orris root is indeed a regular component of many gins, and also Moroccan cuisine. It often goes by the name Queen Elizabeth Root and has a taste which is apparently impossible to distinguish from raspberry.

And if you think that is bizarre, as I have mentioned before, as the great Hunter S Thompson said, ‘when the going gets tough, the weird turn professional’. Well, this is where it gets really weird. You can buy this root at occult shops, where it is recommended as a form of love potion for women to attract men. The idea is to blend it with a little (I am only the messenger) menstrual blood and sprinkle it over food the man is about to eat. Which would have me reaching for the phone to call the country’s best divorce lawyers and put me off gin forever.

In all honesty, this is not my fave Four Pillars gin. They have so many I love that I might leave this to others in future. That said, although the aromas are very much of that late-night, sticky carpet, the palate is far more appealing. It is much cleaner than one might expect, quite seamless, with good length and an attractive texture. Quirky, yes, and I suspect more suited to other things one might smoke in the wee hours.

KBG