Ramon Allones Superiores – Husk Bam Bam Spiced Rum, plus apps.

May I take this opportunity to point out how delighted I was to see our lord and master stuff up and wipe, not one but two video reviews, thanks to technical incompetence. I am not the only technosaur involved in this chaos.

I will confess that technology and I are not always close. 

Apps. Lord spare me, why does the world need apps? We all got along perfectly well without them. Now, apparently, you can’t go anywhere without using apps. Generations lived and died without apps and did so perfectly happily. We invented phones, air-con, television, cars and so much more and those people had never been weighed down with apps. Before we had apps, we did not have Covid!! Think about that.

We got to the moon without apps. Granted we got to the moon before someone had the brilliant and so simple idea to put little wheels on suitcases, so we didn’t get everything right.

But now I apparently need apps to travel and to park. Spare me.

The annual release of the Penfold's Collection is going ahead this year, and it will be followed by a dinner for some of the hard workers to celebrate the 70th anniversary of the first Grange (the experimental 1951, now worth around $140,000 a bottle, if you can find one, but I am assured by those who have tried it, that it is not only undrinkable these days but was never very good). The entire thing was brilliant. There were, however, some issues.

Seems that the cab charges were delayed. Had intended to head back to Queensland and to leave the car at mum’s and then cab it to and from the airport, but seemed easier, in those circumstances, to simply to drive straight to the airport. The organisers kindly offered to sort out the airport parking for me. I said I'd shoot them the receipt, but for whatever reason, easier apparently for them to book and pay. Oh, if only it really had been that simple. But the world is now infested with apps. We had no chance.

They try and make it simple but as I usually just go, get the ticket, pay, park and then vote for Gough, that was out of the question. I had to pick a plan. There were three. It is parking, not invading Europe. Why on earth do we need three plans? Anyway, I picked the middle one. Seemed safe. Fat chance.

They say they are sending me a QR code. I ask what on earth Queensland Rail has to do with this? Do they expect me to go to Adelaide by train? Now, I will confess that this then threw the organisers into confusion. They had no idea what I was talking about. It was all mutual. Seems that all this time I have been seeing these QR things, I just assumed it was to do with Queensland Rail and I took no notice. Well, I knew they floated the operation a few years ago and I just assumed that they had branched out from their core business. I missed the memo that this was not so.

Okay, I learnt that QR codes were something different (still not quite sure what). The next morning, I headed up to the airport, giving myself plenty of time for border crossings (apparently the government had forgotten to put up the checks so that was easy) and then to sort the parking. It seemed wise. It was.

I had to park in P1 (the parking building known as P1). Turns out I usually use P2, not that it knew it had a name, and I know every inch of it, where the good parks are, what is closest to the terminal, best exits etc, as I have parked there probably 100 times or more. P1. Not so much. So, I drive up the ramp. There seem to be options for entering but I have no idea which I should use. As I have the middle plan, I pick the middle gate. You could have put the house on the fact that I would choose the wrong one.

So I get to the gate and I shove the code thingee where it is supposed to go. Flashing red. Keeps doing that. So I hit the assistance button.

“We’re sorry. All our operators are currently busy with other clients. An operator will be with you shortly”. Seriously? You are a parking garage. How many operators do you have/need? And what are they doing?

Finally, I get a woman who is helpful. Yes, I am at the wrong entrance. I need to go to the one on level four, not level three. There was no mention of levels at any prior stage. I assume I was supposed to guess? I was going to point this out but it seemed pointless to antagonise her. I do point out that there is no way that I can reverse out of the lane, with traffic building behind me – why they get to use level three and not four, I have no idea. clearly, they did not pick door number middle. So I am to take a ticket, go in and then go straight out of the exit using the ticket, and then find the entrance to level four and try again using the QR Code thingee.

Get my ticket and go in and find the exit and use the ticket to get out (that all went suspiciously smoothly), but the exit is a ramp straight into the parking on level four. This is good, I thought. Apparently not. It means that I am now in the car park without using the code thingee, so they will have no record of me there or how I got in or how long I have been there. I park as far away from anything as I could, so I would not park in an allocated spot, with luck.

Go into the Qantas Club and sit down to work before the flight and the first thing I hear is some bloke on his phone bitching about some tosser parking in his allocated spot and how he was not having it and they can tow the vehicle. So for the next two days, I am beyond paranoid that I will return and find no vehicle or perhaps a clamped one. And even if I find the car in order, I then have to explain how I got in. And when.

I return this morning. As we land, I check the phone and pull up the email with the QR code thingee. So I will be ready. I head to the parking garage and whacko, my car not clamped or towed. I get in and go to the phone and that email has disappeared. Nowhere. I look everywhere. It is gone. I wonder if I have accidentally hit ‘delete’. I check deleted files and nothing. I check everything. I spend 30 minutes in the carpark tearing the phone apart. Gone.

But it is still on the computer. Why there and not the phone is something I still have not worked out. Of course, I can’t stick the computer into the slot for the phone. And then I will have to explain how I got there in the first place. Why? Why me?

So I go to the exit and press assist.

“We’re sorry. All our operators are currently busy with other clients. An operator will be with you shortly”. Really? Are you kidding? Is there a sudden rash of parking emergencies? Again? Perhaps it is the curse of the disappearing app?

Eventually, a bloke gets on and you can imagine the conversation. I'm sure I do not have to even detail it. Who wouldn’t need a cigar and a drink? Although the usual traffic/roadworks/accident mean it takes me near three hours to get back home, instead of the usual 90 minutes. Eventually, our assistance accepts that I am not trying a fast one and releases me.

Fired up a Ramon Allones Superiores. No idea of age but presumably recent. A lovely dark oily wrapper but a split foot – still, beggars can’t be choosers, as my grandmother used to tell me. I suspect she was not talking about the condition of my cigars. As I was about to settle in with it, a crowd walked by on their way to the shore. The cheer squad. The odd thing was that they were all dragging suitcases. To where? Why? A mystery that will never be solved.

“Hey buddy, that a Cuban?” I indicated that it was. Was a bit concerned that the entire eight of them were going to come over for a puff. I guess we can thank Covid for something. No strangers (especially those dragging suitcases to a beach – dispersal of body parts? Come on, we were all thinking it) puffing on my cigar, thanks.

Chewy, nutty and definitely caramel (to our friends who seem to feel questioning the appearance of caramel in a cigar is compulsory, I am, for the moment, still a mod. We have superpowers – granted I get suspended whenever I use them which seems weird to actually give us said powers in the first place, but I have learnt that it is best not to question the crazy). Rich and rounded, milk chocolate. Creamy coffee and spices, especially cinnamon and nutmeg. Balance and it smoked very nicely for a long period. Yet another book cover cigar. 92.

It was an ideal match for the Rum.

The rum, Husk Bam Bam Spiced Rum. I am not usually a spiced rum guy but I enjoyed this and it worked so well with the cigar. Made up on the Tweed. This spends 3-4 years in barrel as an aged Aussie agricole rum and it is then infused with native and traditional botanicals. Roasted Australian wattle seed, native ginger, sun-dried orange and mandarin peel, Tahitian vanilla beans and cinnamon quills, with a touch of local sea salt.

I used some lime rather than the recommended orange rind, but for me, that worked. I can see that many – it is very popular – would use it in a good cocktail but for me, near neat – just a touch of lime and ice.

Top cigar, great match with the rum. I was able to enjoy both without ever needing an app.

KBG