All in By Ken Gargett - 2019

Cohiba Behike 52 (Second) – Freycinet Radenti R3 - Jefferson’s Ocean ‘Aged at Sea’ Bourbon

First, let me step in and absolve Rob from any blame for this being a ‘second’. It is from a bunch I got from a trip a few years back to Cuba. Now, I know that there is, deservedly, much skepticism as to whether or not “seconds” purchased in Havana are anything but dodgy fakes, possibly nothing more than banana leaves or newspaper. Over the years, we’ve purchased a few of these, but usually only as a bit of fun. On this occasion, I knew the source and I trust them implicitly. And they have been seriously good cigars as well. 

Lovely smallish Robusto-sized smoke (petit robusto? Though it does seem a smidge bigger than that – is there a size between petit robusto and robusto? – no matter). Toasted, roasted and pleasingly richly flavoured, though always quite mild. Always nicely balanced. Never really heading above mid-weight. There is a smoothness in a good cigar like this and…

Gurkha Black Dragon - Four Pillars Chardonnay Barrel Gin - Arras Brut Elite

I think that perhaps my favourite place for a cigar and a good drink is down on the northern NSW coast. Family has a place there - it is actually where an old fishing hut used to be, where Dad used to come well before I was born.

Roll the li-lo out, the beach down in front beyond the trees, the cigar du jour and a couple of drinks to match. Settle back with a cracking book. I have had a number of great afternoons there. Sadly, this was not one of them.

First, blowing a gale. Made it all a bit iffy.

Next, a land crab (seriously, there are times I feel like I am David Attenborough's alter ego and all the wildlife on the planet are…

San Cristobal ‘La Punta’ – Gutierrez Colosia Amontillado and Oloroso – Ode to La Venencia

It was one of those neat coincidences that I picked this up out of a box of randoms I had in the humidor. Been doing some stuff on sherries and one I took to a wine lunch invited some research.

The lunch is run by a local medico mate and he does so with an iron fist. Stuff up and your invites to future events might become a little thin on the ground. Plenty angling to take an empty seat. This one, all wines are usually served blind to avoid preconceptions, required wines we considered to be of Grand Cru status. They did not have to be formally acknowledged but we had to defend our choices.

A magnum of Pol Roger ‘Sir Winston’ 2002 was unanimously declared Grand Cru worthy. A Lafite and Sassicaia, a Rayas and a Rousseau, likewise. A couple of VPs – by chance both a mate and I had brought Warres – a 1963 and a 2016 – and the comparison worked a treat. It is all great fun.

One of mine was the…

SLR Corona – Four Pillars Sticky Carpet Gin - The GlenDronach 21 Year Old Malt 'Parliament'

Remember your younger days? Perhaps they are still with you. You and your mates head out on the town, too much beer, move into spirits. Pick up a kebab someone along the way. End up in a dodgy pub with a live band which sounds great at 3am, although perhaps a little less like the next Stones the next morning. And speaking of the next morning, your head is thumping. Promises never to do this again are made, with never the slightest intention of being kept. Your mouth feels like an airport runway or possibly that sticky carpet, drenched in decades of split beer, where you were dancing like no one was watching.

What could be less appealing? And what on earth would possess anyone to make a drink that reminded one of that sticky carpet?

And yet, that is exactly what the team…

Bolivar Belicosos Fino - James Squire ‘150 Lashes’ Pale Ale; Flor de Cana ‘Spresso’ Coffee Liqueur

Bolivar Belicosos Fino/James Squire ‘150 Lashes’ Pale Ale; Flor de Cana ‘Spresso’ Coffee Liqueur, plus thoughts on the Flor de Cana “V Generaciones’ – A 30-Year-Old Single Barrel Rum and how a postage stamp changed history.

The last of the current batch of seconds from Rob for Kenfessions. It would be fair to say that I did not necessarily leave the best to last, the Bolivar Belicosos Fino. As the picture hopefully shows, this was seconds for a reason. Well, I think it aspired to 2nd status and fell well short. ‘Ratty’ was my description of its looks.

5 1/2" by 52 ring gauge. A pleasant pale creamy brown wrapper. Notes of roast earth, toast, burnt meat – if I may jump in early, the Spresso worked really well with it. No great length here. It did need a lot of relighting. A fair cigar but hardly a great one. I have never had much luck with these and…

Montecristo Limited Edition ‘C’ 2003 - Johnnie Walker Blue Label ‘Ghost and Rare’ Whisky

Well, this was looking a touch awkward. 

For a very long time, I have happily told the world that the greatest waste of tobacco leaf in history are those dire Monte C’s – full moniker, Montecristo Limited Edition ‘C’ 2003. Not because I am not a Limited Edition fan – I most certainly am – but because they are really awful cigars. Then along comes Whipcrack with his ‘smoke your worst cigar’ comp, an idea that ranks with the Skins signing Albert Haynesworth. 

I give him a review, but apparently that will not do. Under the perfidious shadow of retrospective legislation, I have been forced to search the very depths of my humidor in the “hope” of finding a Monte C – which seems a bit like searching one’s nether regions in the “hope” of finding a rash. 

I found one – the cigar, not the rash. 

Now, as Rob will be the first to tell you…

Juan Lopez No 2 - Duchesse de Bourgogne Ale

Coming to the end of the bundle of odds and sods of seconds Rob left with me for Kenfessions.

This JL2 looked far more like a fourth than a second, but I am not one to complain. The wrapper was torn and ragged. If this had been a mongrel puppy then sorry to say, it would have been put down by now – to digress, currently both mother-sitting and puppy sitting for the family. The puppy is an incredibly energetic, even more than usual for a puppy, Springer Spaniel. Great dog but needless to say, needing all manner of vet care. Has finally got rid of the cone to stop it doing stuff to stitches etc, although I am wondering why, as it still has “socks” for some reason.

Well, it manages to remove one of the socks. I go to put it back on but…

Vegas Robaina ‘Don Alejandro’ - Wild Turkey ‘Master’s Keep’ Bourbons

So, what does Kenfessions have in common with Hunter S. Thompson, ZZ Top, George Thorogood, 'Rambo', 'In the Heat of the Night', 'Thelma & Louise', 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit', 'The Sopranos', 'Seinfeld' and 'Buffy, the Vampire Slayer'? 

We are all, at some stage, talking, singing or writing about Wild Turkey. As Hunter S. was fond of saying, ‘when the going gets tough, the weird turn professional’. 

But first…

I remember the early days of VR and the excitement. One of the highlights…

Cohiba Robusto - Bundaberg Ginger Beer

Not a fish to found anywhere on the Island. No one has caught so much as a hint of one. But we persevere. So goes the annual fishing trip to Fraser Island, off Queensland’s central coast – the world’s largest sand island. 

Head down to the beach in front of the Lodge, just north of the Waddy Point rocks, on dusk. The southeaster is howling but it is to our backs, which means that the poor sods fishing south of Indian would be copping full brunt. 

Cold. Bone-chilling cold. I very rarely wear waders and I am not doing so now. No idea why. Never really took to them. The old man often didn’t either, though perhaps he was seen in them more often in his…

Trinidad Fundadore - Lighthouse Gin; Archie Rose Rye Malt Whisky

The world’s third largest (and fast heading to utter irrelevancy with the moronic and completely incomprehensible interpretation of rules, and the fact that every single scrum bores us senseless for almost two minutes – but let’s leave rugby to destroy itself) sporting event is currently yawning its way to its conclusion (I say all this as someone who did not miss attending a Reds game for some forty years if I was in the State, blah, blah, blah, the good old days, blah, blah, glory days…). What should have been one of the Rugby World Cup’s showpieces, the Wallabies against the Welsh, stumbled its confused way to I have no idea what, other than definitely not a win for us, on any level.

But, we should give them at least a nod for providing us with the opportunity to enjoy a good cigar. 

I pulled out one of the…

Cohiba Robusto - Equipo Navazos ‘La Bota de Ron, Number 65’

Well, as they say in the classics, talk about a weekend to rip the Funk out of your Wagnall’s. 

Sport does tend to get in the way of deadlines, but I had planned a good cigar and rum to watch the Broncs in their big semi-final against the Eels. 

Elsewhere, the fifth Ashes test (the Ashes is the contest between Australia and England for cricket played every couple of years alternating between countries and usually over five five-day tests, and therefore represents world supremacy – it was so named as when we beat them for the first time back in the 1880’s, someone allegedly burnt the bails and put the ashes in a small urn, which is now the trophy); the Lions in their first AFL prelim final for 15 years; the Gunners v Watford (surely…?) and then the Skins against the Girls tomorrow morning. A good chance that it all might go terribly pear-shaped…

Partagas Serie E No. 2 - Chalmers Appassimento 2017 - Yamazaki 12-Year-Old

Rob kindly dropped off a small bag of mixed smokes for Kenfessions last week. Unfortunately, he’d picked up the wrong bag, so I have a mix of seconds – whose, we have no idea. We decided to give it a go, even though some are unbanded and we have no idea what they are.

This one, the Partagas Serie E No. 2, we could tell. It did have a split wrapper near the foot but in the end, this seemed to have little effect. It smoked very well, kicking off with an immediate and lovely note of cream and toffee. Some spices and then it moved to more earthy and eventually slightly mushroomy notes. Finally, a hint of caramel. So certainly a cigar with plenty of evolution throughout. Good complexity. Very pleasing soft smoke. There were also some notes of espresso in the latter parts though at times, this verged on a slightly stale coffee character, which was not positive. But overall, the flavours are very appealing…

Ramon Allones Regional Release ‘La Palmira’ Arab Emirates 2016 - Blanton’s Single Barrel Special Reserve Bourbon - Rymill ‘June Traminer (Botrytis Gewurztraminer) 2013 (half).

As I have mentioned elsewhere, Rob recently very kindly supplied some options for Kenfessions. There are cigars I might not have seen for a while, or possibly might not have access to. The drinks, however, remain my own and any failings there are purely my responsibility. With that in mind, I have been trying to include at least one left-field choice at the very least.

But, as usual, cigar first. The Ramon Allones Regional Release ‘La Palmira’ Arab Emirates 2016 is certainly a cigar I never expected to encounter. I am becoming more and more intrigued by Regional Releases. So many. Are they worthwhile? Mixed? A waste of time and tobacco? Stay tuned…

Cohiba Siglo VI - Barale Fratelli ‘Barolo Chinato’ - Fortaleza Agave ‘Still Strength 46’ Tequila

Whilst I remain convinced that humanity is rapidly sowing the seeds of its own demise, and hard to think that does not make us the dumbest species to have ever existed on this fragile planet, occasionally we do something remarkable. Imagine coming up with the idea of taking the heart of a large spiky succulent, pollinated by bats, and processing it into one of the most loved spirits found anywhere. The plant is, of course, the blue agave and the spirit is tequila.

But then, while we are thinking outside the box, imagine an entire industry based on taking leaves from some dodgy old plant, drying and then fermenting them, rolling them up into little tubes and then setting fire to them, but only after the end user has paid a bucketload of dosh for the pleasure…

Por Larranaga Belicosos Extra Regional Release Asia Pacific 2008 (EMA JUL08) - Angostura No 1 Cask Collection ex-Bourbon Cask Rum

I am embarrassed to say that this is now the fourth time I have paired the Por Larranaga Belicosos Extra RR Asia Pacific 2008 (EMA JUL08, from Box 19 of 7,400, which is not quite as good as Mini-Smithy shipping off Rob’s prized box, numbered 1 of 5000 of some RR or LE or other – never gets old), for Kenfessions. They have proved slightly variable, with the most recent, prior to here, the superstar of the bunch. The bottom line, if we may elevate it, is that this one was close but a slightly lesser cigar, with apologies to the old American fairgrounds where the phrase originated – for those who failed to win a prize…